So I quit Big Al's today. I know what you're thinking. No, I didn't get that job at the IHOP. Why didn't I get hired there? Well, it certainly couldn't have been my resume. That was impeccable. Someone must've tipped them off over at personnel about my smoking history and my lung problems. And I have a pretty good idea who it was, too.
But, no matter. I didn't want to have to commute all the way to Climbers' Corners everyday anyway.
Besides, I've decided to get the heck out of Podunk while I still can. For starters, there isn't a single guy in this town I'm interested in. And I am really tired of taking orders for, and from, Big Al.
Or "Tiny", as his friends call him.
And I have a pretty good idea where he got that nickname from, but I'm just too much of a lady to say.
So I'm hitting the road. Got my bus ticket already. I'm gonna stay with my sister Pickles for awhile. She's got a great job plucking eyebrows at a salon in Beverly Hills. You would not believe what some people are willing to pay for that sort of thing.
Heck, I've been plucking mine for years. Maybe I could make a million dollars.
I'd settle for working in a place where people aren't always so rude.
Beverly Hills here I come.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Monday, March 5, 2007
Necessary Lessons
What a night. Never got off my feet for even a minute.
And hardly any decent tips, except for just one.
I'm more fried than Big Al's eggs.
Something strange, though. I got this folded up piece of paper, along with a nice fat tip, from some guy who came into the diner last night. He was a strange one. Couldn't quite figure him. He looked like a cross between Humphrey Bogart and Harrison Ford, only more intelligent than both of them.
I think he overheard me and Al arguing about something to do with religion. I can't really tell you what it was about. That's private. But this geezer, well I say geezer because when I looked him in the eyes he seemed really really old. But except for a mass of stubble, his face was as smooth as a baby's. Not a line in it.
But here's the thing. He left me a tenner, and all he had was a cuppa joe. Black, no sugar.
Didn't even finish drinking it.
Go figure.
This is what was on the piece of paper:
NECESSARY LESSONS
Do not advise those who are not in love.
The unloving, like the insentient, cannot understand.
Do not distance yourself from the wise,
But avoid the shallow instead.
The ungiving disappoint God.
They cannot see his face.
Do not waste time on drab pigeons,
Who consort with moles,
Who avoid the deep diving loon.
Falcon and King, each praises the other.
Even a small falcon is a falcon still.
And if you wash some dark stone for fifty years,
You won't really transform it.
The hidden sun changes appearance.
Some say it ceases to be.
It never does.
Yunus, don't be stupid.
Mix with the mature.
A fool who talks of spiritual things is still a fool.
~Yunus Emre, Turkey, ca. 1300
Oh yeah. One other thing.
He said his name was Sam.
And hardly any decent tips, except for just one.
I'm more fried than Big Al's eggs.
Something strange, though. I got this folded up piece of paper, along with a nice fat tip, from some guy who came into the diner last night. He was a strange one. Couldn't quite figure him. He looked like a cross between Humphrey Bogart and Harrison Ford, only more intelligent than both of them.
I think he overheard me and Al arguing about something to do with religion. I can't really tell you what it was about. That's private. But this geezer, well I say geezer because when I looked him in the eyes he seemed really really old. But except for a mass of stubble, his face was as smooth as a baby's. Not a line in it.
But here's the thing. He left me a tenner, and all he had was a cuppa joe. Black, no sugar.
Didn't even finish drinking it.
Go figure.
This is what was on the piece of paper:
NECESSARY LESSONS
Do not advise those who are not in love.
The unloving, like the insentient, cannot understand.
Do not distance yourself from the wise,
But avoid the shallow instead.
The ungiving disappoint God.
They cannot see his face.
Do not waste time on drab pigeons,
Who consort with moles,
Who avoid the deep diving loon.
Falcon and King, each praises the other.
Even a small falcon is a falcon still.
And if you wash some dark stone for fifty years,
You won't really transform it.
The hidden sun changes appearance.
Some say it ceases to be.
It never does.
Yunus, don't be stupid.
Mix with the mature.
A fool who talks of spiritual things is still a fool.
~Yunus Emre, Turkey, ca. 1300
Oh yeah. One other thing.
He said his name was Sam.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Is that a book?
What are you reading for?
My boss Big Al who owns the diner where I work, that’s why it’s called Big Al’s, just up and shoved this piece of paper in my hand today and goes, "This explains who the house is."
And I'm all, "What?!"
He goes, "You know, like when you're playing poker, or roulette, how they say, 'you can't beat the house?' Well, the house is kind of like City Hall. Just read it."
So I did. Now I'm thinking maybe it's like the White House? I don't know.
Big Al says it's the banks. He said, "The same people, Wall Street and London bankers, even financed communism, playing both sides off against one another, even against their own countries, through both World Wars, the Cold War, Viet Nam, and even now in Iraq and with Iran."
He said that to make even more money they keep wars going, even start them, just to increase their profits and to gain control over things like oil and water.
But I thought oil and water don't mix. I know. I'm just kidding.
That's the way they make most of their money, he says. War.
"All war is a racket." He practically screamed it.
But then he drinks cheap blackberry brandy all day and is always trying to grab my ass.
If I ever get around to telling my ex-boyfriend about it, even though we don't go out any more, sure as shootin he’s going to punch Big Al’s lights out.
That’s if he ever stops trying to sell dirt long enough to listen to what I have to say.
But the more I think about it, and read about it, I think Al's right about war and the banks. He calls 'em banksters, like gangsters.
Big Al put this up over the waffle griddle the other day. It’s already so stained with bacon grease and egg yolk I can hardly read most of it, but you can check it out for yourself.
Here’s another one he had stuck on top of the cash register. I copied some of it down on the back of my order pad when Big Al wasn’t looking, or busy grabbing my ass. I didn’t want to encourage him by making him think I was interested in what he had put up:
"Communism, Nazism and Zionism are identical triplets, movements started by the Illuminati to dupe and manipulate humanity."
I don’t really know what “dupe” means, but maybe it has something to do with duplication, like xeroxing? Although I can’t really figure out why the Limonati want to copy people. Maybe they’re just not very original.
Besides, I thought that was just Italian for lemonade?
Well, here’s the rest of what I copied off the register:
"In his book The Hidden Hitler Lothar Machtan, a Professor of History at Bremen University says Hitler flirted with the Communists in 1918. He demanded a senior party post that would have exempted him from the need to work but they refused. 'Hitler did not set foot in the extreme right wing camp until he had been rejected by left wing groups.' Machtan’s book also offers irrefutable proof that Hitler was an active homosexual with a thick police file of molestation complaints both in Vienna and Munich."
Somehow, I find that last part, at least, pretty easy to believe.
Today, almost like in the middle of nothing, I mean we weren't even having a conversation really, Big Al just blurted out,
"Hitler was a bulwark against the New World Order."
Now, I don’t know what a bulwark is, but I think it’s some kind of big horned animal like a buffalo, or maybe a kind of boat. I think maybe Al is winding himself up a little too tight.
Al also said that even though Hitler was created by the Limonati, it's possible that he broke up with them at some point. Whatever. Who needs the drama?
I also copied this off the paper Al had stuck on the register: "Hitler's crusade against ordinary Jews was gratuitous and self-defeating, and seems to have been tailored by the Illuminati (there's that word again), with the help of leading Zionists themselves, to create division and traumatize the Jews into serving the Zionist agenda." I wrote that down because I wanted to check it out. I know Big Al takes that kind of stuff to heart because he's Jewish himself. On his mother's side.
The thing Big Al taped up also said: "people pin their hopes on leaders like Putin, Ahmadinejad, and Hugo Chavez, but they fit the model of obscure figures raised to power and maintained there by a hidden hand."
"We are like passengers on a ship where the captain and crew have joined a satanic cult and then plot to unload the "useless eaters" as Henry Kissinger calls us so they, meaning the elite, can have the cargo and vessel to themselves. It's like being cared for by serial killers; no matter how nice they pretend to be, you know that eventually they will revert to type."
That part about Satan sort of freaked me out. I didn't even know Al took religion so seriously. I think maybe his daughter might have joined some kind of cult? He doesn't talk about her much, but he got really upset when I asked him about it once.
Then, like I said, Big Al hits the hooch pretty hard, same way he pinches my ass. So who knows? I’m getting pretty sick of him and his grubby hands, and his stinking breath in any case. And so what if he does make a lot more money slinging hash than my ex does selling dirt? What do I get out of either of 'em? Nothing much but a few lousy tips. In more ways than one.
I’m thinking of quitting. Maybe they’ll finally open that IHOP in town people have been talking about. Then I could work at a classy joint. Maybe meet a nice guy there.
Someplace where people know how to read the menu.
My boss Big Al who owns the diner where I work, that’s why it’s called Big Al’s, just up and shoved this piece of paper in my hand today and goes, "This explains who the house is."
And I'm all, "What?!"
He goes, "You know, like when you're playing poker, or roulette, how they say, 'you can't beat the house?' Well, the house is kind of like City Hall. Just read it."
So I did. Now I'm thinking maybe it's like the White House? I don't know.
Big Al says it's the banks. He said, "The same people, Wall Street and London bankers, even financed communism, playing both sides off against one another, even against their own countries, through both World Wars, the Cold War, Viet Nam, and even now in Iraq and with Iran."
He said that to make even more money they keep wars going, even start them, just to increase their profits and to gain control over things like oil and water.
But I thought oil and water don't mix. I know. I'm just kidding.
That's the way they make most of their money, he says. War.
"All war is a racket." He practically screamed it.
But then he drinks cheap blackberry brandy all day and is always trying to grab my ass.
If I ever get around to telling my ex-boyfriend about it, even though we don't go out any more, sure as shootin he’s going to punch Big Al’s lights out.
That’s if he ever stops trying to sell dirt long enough to listen to what I have to say.
But the more I think about it, and read about it, I think Al's right about war and the banks. He calls 'em banksters, like gangsters.
Big Al put this up over the waffle griddle the other day. It’s already so stained with bacon grease and egg yolk I can hardly read most of it, but you can check it out for yourself.
Here’s another one he had stuck on top of the cash register. I copied some of it down on the back of my order pad when Big Al wasn’t looking, or busy grabbing my ass. I didn’t want to encourage him by making him think I was interested in what he had put up:
"Communism, Nazism and Zionism are identical triplets, movements started by the Illuminati to dupe and manipulate humanity."
I don’t really know what “dupe” means, but maybe it has something to do with duplication, like xeroxing? Although I can’t really figure out why the Limonati want to copy people. Maybe they’re just not very original.
Besides, I thought that was just Italian for lemonade?
Well, here’s the rest of what I copied off the register:
"In his book The Hidden Hitler Lothar Machtan, a Professor of History at Bremen University says Hitler flirted with the Communists in 1918. He demanded a senior party post that would have exempted him from the need to work but they refused. 'Hitler did not set foot in the extreme right wing camp until he had been rejected by left wing groups.' Machtan’s book also offers irrefutable proof that Hitler was an active homosexual with a thick police file of molestation complaints both in Vienna and Munich."
Somehow, I find that last part, at least, pretty easy to believe.
Today, almost like in the middle of nothing, I mean we weren't even having a conversation really, Big Al just blurted out,
"Hitler was a bulwark against the New World Order."
Now, I don’t know what a bulwark is, but I think it’s some kind of big horned animal like a buffalo, or maybe a kind of boat. I think maybe Al is winding himself up a little too tight.
Al also said that even though Hitler was created by the Limonati, it's possible that he broke up with them at some point. Whatever. Who needs the drama?
I also copied this off the paper Al had stuck on the register: "Hitler's crusade against ordinary Jews was gratuitous and self-defeating, and seems to have been tailored by the Illuminati (there's that word again), with the help of leading Zionists themselves, to create division and traumatize the Jews into serving the Zionist agenda." I wrote that down because I wanted to check it out. I know Big Al takes that kind of stuff to heart because he's Jewish himself. On his mother's side.
The thing Big Al taped up also said: "people pin their hopes on leaders like Putin, Ahmadinejad, and Hugo Chavez, but they fit the model of obscure figures raised to power and maintained there by a hidden hand."
"We are like passengers on a ship where the captain and crew have joined a satanic cult and then plot to unload the "useless eaters" as Henry Kissinger calls us so they, meaning the elite, can have the cargo and vessel to themselves. It's like being cared for by serial killers; no matter how nice they pretend to be, you know that eventually they will revert to type."
That part about Satan sort of freaked me out. I didn't even know Al took religion so seriously. I think maybe his daughter might have joined some kind of cult? He doesn't talk about her much, but he got really upset when I asked him about it once.
Then, like I said, Big Al hits the hooch pretty hard, same way he pinches my ass. So who knows? I’m getting pretty sick of him and his grubby hands, and his stinking breath in any case. And so what if he does make a lot more money slinging hash than my ex does selling dirt? What do I get out of either of 'em? Nothing much but a few lousy tips. In more ways than one.
I’m thinking of quitting. Maybe they’ll finally open that IHOP in town people have been talking about. Then I could work at a classy joint. Maybe meet a nice guy there.
Someplace where people know how to read the menu.
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